I would watch the planes take off until I couldn't see them anymore in the clouds- and I would angrily whisper at God, "When is my turn? When will it be my turn to not have to go into boring classes and drive to that airport knowing I won't be back for a few months-year?" About the time I would pray my impatient prayer, it would be time for me to get out of the car and walk into school blind due to the humidity of Louisiana and the large glasses that I wear every day. Some times it just isn't worth unfogging them. Jordan Mallory understands this.
It was a muggy August morning when I actually was headed to the airport instead of school one day. The destination was Mattoon, Illinois for the funeral of a hero, Barbara Willoughby. A funeral that I still can't talk about because in my human, non-eternal, selfish opinion, should have never happened.
It was a muggy October evening taking some of my kids home from POAKids when little Davontae asked "Miss Kendra, are you going to move to the Philippines one day?" A lump in my throat began to form. "Yes I am. But don't worry little man, that won't happen for a long time." About that time, Kayla popped up from the back seat, "Are you gonna love those kids more than you love us and forget about us?" The lump in my throat shot to my eyes. "No Kayla, I would never forget you- but I do love the kids in the Philippines as much as you guys and pray for them just as much too." Suddenly the bitterness of being "stuck" in my will had turned into the fleeting thought of "Wow, it's going to be hard to leave this place and these kids." But that was so far away. Too far away. I had a secular plan I had to complete before I could go to the Philippines. 4 year degree, then a blessing from my parents and pastors in order to go. I hated it, but I'd hate to suffer the repercussions of not being submitted to my pastors and parents rather than studying hours and writing a few papers.
It was a clear day in Louisville, Kentucky when a few random friends/acquaintances piled in a car after a General Conference day session to journey to eat at P.F. Changs. I sat at the table full of girls and began to survey my surroundings. A girl, sitting down the row who had an excellent job working with something in fashion that she was just so pumped about. Another, I'm front of me, who was 22 when she got a jump start on her Masters degree and was already student teaching secondary education. Brilliance everywhere. Couldn't hurt, right? You are what you surround yourself with, right? Another girl down the row was also accepted and working early on an amazing degree in a prestigious university. Chit-chat died down when the appetizers arrived, but the daunting question that I just didn't feel like answering was headed my way. I could feel it. Not but a few seconds later, "So Kendra, what are you doing with your life?" I wish I could tell you that I felt inferior and insignificant. I'm sure deep down somewhere I did- but at that moment those feelings were absent. I took a sip of water before I began. "Well I'm a Religion major doing online classes and I'm working at the church on this huge project based on Hosea 4:6-" Someone broke in, "So what can you do with a religion major?" Gripping my napkin under the table I smiled and said, "Not a lot, but I enjoy it very much." Silence began to fall around the table. A girl I had seen for years but never had much interaction with asked, "Weren't you like obsessed with the Philippines at one point?" I laughed, "Yes I still suffer from that. The next step for me is missions work there whenever God says that it's time." Again, silence at the table. Thankfully I saw our waiter emerging from the kitchen with our food, so I could at least think about lettuce wraps instead of how I felt like my life was at a standstill. Someone blessed the food, and all of the girls picked up their forks to begin eating. Sophisticated, well dressed, successful girls with degrees- and here I was with what? Faith and hope in "maybe one day?" I bit my lip holding back hot tears as I took the chopsticks out of the silverware and dove into some brown rice. The irony was almost tangible sometimes.
The same evening I was invited to an MK dinner in the hotel. I felt a little out of place seeing as how I wasn't a missionary kid, but right at home all at the same time. I sat by a friend from Africa that I had connected with years ago. Just being around these people gave me an energy I had never felt before. They didn't care about status or position, they cared about each other, they cared about unity/community. They cared about the anointing. They cared about the fact that Jesus is coming soon and there is still so much yet to be done.
Cylinda Nickel lead the prayer that roared in my ears for months after I had left Louisville. MK's began to lay hands on each other and pray for anointed prayer cloths, mind battles, spirits coming against their countries, etc. My mind was blown. I had never in 21 years felt the power of God like I did in that room almost instantaneously.
I tweeted about it.
James Poitras tweeted me back. I felt so cool that he tweeted me back. He's the fearless leader over the Aimers and a bunch of other official things that are on the official website if you want to go check it out. I don't even have a link to that. But just take my word for it, he's great.
I went back to my room that night, and I noticed that my usual prayer had the bitterness totally strained out of it. I prayed "God, you know my heart. You know where I want to be. You know where I am. Help me to be PRESENT, wherever I am, until your ultimate plan is fulfilled."
It was a cold December morning when my parents called me downstairs and told me that they felt that the season for me to go was upon us. My degree was nowhere near complete. I was just getting to a comfortable point in ministry. I had fallen in love with my kids. I had fallen in love with my church. I was FINALLY OKAY with where I was in life- and now this. Don't get me wrong, it was clearly my dream and the will of God- but now? So I did what any girl would do. I cried. And ate Frosted Flakes. And stared out the kitchen window in amazement as the process quickly began.
This blog is already too long. If you're any kind of English or marketing major you've probably shot this up 27 times already. I understand. I'm trying to wrap it up.
The point is that this morning, a muggy August morning, I finally got in the car and headed to the airport to get on the plane that would take me "home" for the next 5 months. I cried the entire way there. Bradyn put his arm around me in the back. Only made me cry more. I get out to see friends at the airport with tears in their eyes who have heard me go on and on and on about the Philippines for years...and I silently wondered, "Why did I never factor in all of this?"
Hugging my family goodbye was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. My dad told me he was proud of me. My mom told me she loved me. My brother asked if I was okay. Am I okay? I wanted to knock him upside the head. I hugged him tight and said "No."
I walked through security and turned for one last look at the people closest in my life. I tried to hold it together and smile, but as soon as my head turned, the loud sobs came out of nowhere. The kind of crying that makes even you uncomfortable but you can't control it. The flight attendant at the gate looked at me with pity and followed me into the plane. Now that, my friends, is when you know you're a hot mess. I sat down in my seat and just gave up on wiping the tears away as I whispered, "Oh God, what am I doing? What have I done?" My friend Bridget that AIMed in Japan described it the best, "It's the most helpless feeling in the world."
You'd think the sobbing would stop after a 45 minute flight. Negative. It continued through Houston and I didn't care who saw. I racked my brain for an uplifting song to hum or a scripture about peace to recite. I started humming one of Israel's- "I won't delay, I won't hesitate, I will obey your call and abandon all to see the power of God, your glory revealed, my nation healed."
Probably a bad idea. More sobs. But it brought a peace and stability that was absent for the last 3 hours.
I know this is lengthy. I do apologize. The other entries won't be this long.
Some people dream of being the President of the United States, some a big CEO or a famous athlete. Some people dream of their band taking off the ground and charting in the top 10 of iTunes. Some people dream of being a doctor or studying at a prestigious university.
I dreamed of being a missionary. To one of the greatest countries in the world-ripe for revival and full of life.
My education isn't finished. I don't bring in 6 figures. I'm not a prodigy or a genius. But I can honestly say that if I died in the next week, I will have lived my life with no regrets.
Many have chuckled and said, "Ha, a missionary?! Well, to each their own. That's just such a hard life."
Yes to each their own. And to me, today, I feel like a 5 year old that has been named queen of the world for 5 months. Better than 6 figures and a wall full of certificates. I'm going to be a missionary. God directed it. God is here. He's with us in no matter what path of life we are in.
My plane is about to land in Manila on a hot, incredibly hot, muggy, rainy evening. I've already had quite the chat with Satan, the accuser himself. For those of you that don't believe in letting the devil know what's up, I encourage you to accept Christ's DNA inside of you and let him know. I've reminded him of where he belongs and where he will wind up when it's all said and done. I've also let him know who the King of Kings is for good measure, just in case he forgot. I've also told him about many of you that he's tried to destroy and failed miserably. Then I recited some scripture to him and he cut the conversation short.
America, you're not ready for what is about to come out of Asia. And I'm praying financial blessings every day for those of us back home that can fund the heroes on the field ushering in this end time revival.
"Some pray, some give, and some go. But it takes all of us." -Genny Miller, missionary to Asia
"Here am I. Send me." -Isaiah
"I won't delay, I won't hesitate; I will obey your call and abandon all to see the power of God, your glory revealed, my nation healed......"
-kshock.
