Monday, October 15, 2012

"What are you even doing over there?"


“What are you even doing over there?”

Many of you have asked me this question since I’ve been in Manila. And most of my answers have started off with “I’m sweating my life away,” which is not far from the truth.

What am I doing here? Well for starters I am living at ACTS Bible School with close to 75 students, around 20 staff members, and 982,306,185 different species of bugs that pay me visits quite frequently. I teach classes during the week about the word of God, Sunday School curriculum, prayer, fasting, and (coming soon) some dramas and skits. Am I qualified to teach any of this? No. Which is why God has let these students teach me, rather than the other way around. We learn together. We pray together. We eat together. We laugh together. We cry together. We dance together. We claim victory for this nation together.

Sundays are ridiculous, and by ridiculous I mean life-changing. It’s not uncommon for us to camp out at one worship song for a good 15 minutes. Sometimes with only drums, sometimes with no music at all. I can’t explain when or how it happens, but there comes a certain point where you don’t mind the sweat pouring out of you, and you don’t mind the heat, and you don’t mind that your hair is frizzing out of control, and you don’t mind the fact that no matter how much expensive perfume you put on that morning, you probably stink to high- heaven. I can’t explain, but you just don’t mind; because in those moments where you can’t even hear your own voice over the roar of worship surrounding you- those are the moments that miracles are born. Those are the moments that angels are assigned and released to situations all over the world. Those are the moments that time almost stops, and you are able to catch a glimpse of eternity through a peep hole in the spiritual realm.

Offering time is very special. It used to be brutal for me to watch, but now I understand. These people- some are very wealthy, some are very poor- give all they have at offering time. Their pesos, or whatever their 10% is, is placed in a large basket according to the three sections the church is seated. After all of the offering is collected into one large basket, Pastor Ceasar or someone designated lifts that basket up and prays the prayer of blessing upon everyone who gave, and upon the offering. There might be a few people in the church who have a bad spirit about giving, because we are all human; but you would never know it. When the church lifts their hands, they understand that they way to SURVIVE for them is to give.

Blessing is a two-way street here. Blessed are the ones who give and blessed are the ones who receive. It’s a simple cycle. They don’t look at it as a sacrifice, they look at it as an investment.

I’m serious.

They really do.

This blog is too long, but please hang with me.

A lady handed me a wad of pesos after I got here and said, “The Lord would have me to bless you.” Mind you, I knew this lady and I knew what she was facing in her personal life. I tried desperately to give the money back and she said, “No, please. This isn’t mine anymore. This is yours. This is your blessing.”

I understood what she was doing. She needed God to supply a massive need for her- but to remind God that she trusted Him, she was blessing someone else, in order for God to use someone else to bless her.

Is that manipulation? Some would say yes. I say it’s the body of Christ at work. Giving is an endless cycle. If we can’t take care of others selflessly, how can we expect for God to take care of us? I reluctantly took the money and then turned it into the school to be used on the students. Because giving is an endless cycle.


The boys are so kind and helpful. Any time they see me walking off of the complex, they are quick to run to my side. “Let me carry that ma’am,” “Ma’am may I escort you?”, “Ma’am you look so beautiful today!” They are always 4 steps ahead of me, looking for when to cross the street, walking on the side of me closest to the street, running to hold an umbrella over my head when it’s raining, taking down the numbers on the side of the taxi to ensure safety every time I have to go somewhere- everything. They are men of character, and they have taught me more about respect than any situation I can think of.

The girls here are the only ones I can hug. Males and females that attend church here do not touch. They shake hands only. I don’t know the rules for courtship, nor do I intend to, but they are VERY respectful. I found this out when I casually went to put my arm around one of the boys to tell him he was doing a good job in class. He stiffened and edged away very awkwardly. Giggles surrounded the circle when one of my girls said “Ma’am…we are not allowed….to…we don’t….” “OH that’s right! I am so sorry!” Being raised in the south might be the death of me one day.

This blog is too long, but please hang with me.

As I was saying, the girls LOVE hugs. They are so, SO pretty and well kept. Their jet black and dark brown eyes are something that most American girls envy. They have no idea they are beautiful. All of them hate their tan skin and love my skin, touching my arms and face all the time.

Chapel time is brutal. Their worship is out of this world with no time limit whatsoever. I use the term brutal because my American flesh takes a beating every Friday morning at 11 a.m. There’s no concept of time when it comes to worship- they are there to worship the King, with or without music, with or without air condtioning, with or without a water break. No one is too cool to worship and no one makes fun of the way anyone worships. For as long as they choose, the worship is totally vertical- and their eyes only come open when it’s time to receive the word of the Lord. I described their worship as staring into the sun. Staring into the sun is very enchanting for a split second, but almost immediately it burns your eyes to where you have to look away. That’s what it’s like watching the Filipino’s worship. It’s a flesh beating. It’s brutal…unless you join in.

This blog is already too long. I could write for hours about the different stories of my precious students.  But please hang with me.

So what I am I dong here? I don’t know. I really don’t. There are a lot of people back home that wish I wasn’t here, and there are also a lot of people back home that wish I would stay here. That’s life. I wish I could stay here too, fellow Christians.

I came here only to assist in whatever way I could. That way happened to be teaching and creating and loving these phenomenal people. I wouldn’t have minded if mopping the floors every night was in my job description- I’m not a good mopper, I’m a great laundry-er, but not a good mopper- I would’ve done it to be with these people. They have my heart and they’ve thrown the key into the Manila Bay. The Manila Bay is where all of the floodwaters from the city are emptied. So go try and get that key out at your own risk.

This blog is long. Please hang with me. I have a point. And it’s really good.

I believe one of the reasons I am here is to raise awareness. I have a big mouth that has gotten me into SO MUCH TROUBLE in my life…so this is me trying to use it for God’s glory. I am here, as so many different missionaries are stationed in their country, to love the junk out of these people and tell you about them. It is my job to believe that they are the greatest people in the entire world. It is my job to biased. It is my job to correct anyone that looks down upon them. It is my job to spoil my students rotten with cookies and candy because, let’s face it, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing in life either. It’s my job to fight for them and battle with them in prayer.

And it’s my job to make you fall in love with them, too.

Let’s level. Filipinos aren’t like any other culture in the world. They are passionate, hard-working, and devoted people that can sing and dance circles around Fine Arts professionals. But did you know they are everywhere? That’s right, they’re everywhere! They’re in most every country because they all leave to work to send money to their families. They are on every cruise ship that you will step foot on. They are in call-centers. One of my students answered the phones for a company in Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge, y’all! Small world.

They are everywhere. They are working in Singapore, they are working in Thailand, they are working in London, they are working in Qatar, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

Do you see where I’m going with this? No? Okay keep listening.

They are in places where Americans cannot be.

THEY CAN BRING THE GOSPEL INTO PLACES THAT WE CANNOT.

Are you getting the picture?

God is spreading revival ALL OVER THIS NATION faster than you can say “Geaux Tigers” or “Woo Pig Sooie.” These people aren’t afraid of anything. They are bold and evangelizing this nation by storm. People by the thousands get the Holy Ghost at these crusades and they are hooked for life. And they aren’t just hooked, they can’t shut up about it.

I have never attended an American/Pentecostal Bible School but I have been to ACTS and I can speak for it. When you send these kids to Bible school, it isn’t just a nice addition to their resume; it is their official charge to go and start a church. I’m serious. After they graduate, off they go. Some students are pastors that just graduated THIS APRIL and their churches are taking off. Their faith and drive is unbelievable.

PLEASE STAY WITH ME! I’m almost finished!

I know there are other countries and missionaries that are my personal friends THAT I LOVE that would argue that their people and their country is the best. AS THEY SHOULD. We are all biased to our people- we are all biased to our country.  And they can write their own blog and win your hearts. But you’re asking me what I’m doing over here, and I’m telling you. It’s my job to tell you that these are the best people in the world. It’s my job to tell you that these people are worth investing in, because they are! Because they are EVERYWHERE. THEY ARE IN EVERY COUNTRY. AND THEY ARE CHANGING THE WORLD.

What if America was called to FUND the endtime revival?

Let that sink in.

What if we accepted that we can’t do it all and we have to spread our resources out to team up with other nations to reach the world?

Let’s level again. I can’t reach the people of the Philippines alone! I can hardly speak Tagalog! I just messed up in class the other day and accidentally said a bad word in Tagalog because I was trying to be cool and speak Tagalog! It’s a struggle people! But do you know what I CAN do? I can love the junk out of these people and give them all I have to reach the villages that I can’t go into. Some of these kids are going back to Muslim controlled areas in the Philippines and starting churches with NO FEAR because YOU HAVE SACRIFICIALLY GIVEN. Thank you! There are no words for how grateful we are!

Let’s level again.

They need jeepney money to go out and evangelize. $4 a week can cover that. $4 can’t even buy some of us a full meal at McDonald’s. Think about that.

Are you a medical student/doctor/nurse? These kids need hepatitis shots. $50 can cover that. That’s less than a tank of gas for some of us. Think about that.

Are you a teacher? Or do you love learning? These kids do too. $2 will cover a pack of highlighters that will last them years. They love learning about the Bible. Can you spare $2?

Do you like to cook and bake? Or do you just like food in general? These kids love some food. They can put down more food than I have ever dreamed…when they have it. Rice is not expensive here and it is a staple of every meal. Can you help me make sure these kids eat?

Do you have kids, or do you know what it’s like to be a struggling college student? I challenge you, sponsor one of our students at ACTS. For a full year of education, it only costs about $475. I know that’s not cheap, I know it’s a sacrifice. But the difference JUST MIGHT lie in choosing to drive instead of fly to your yearly vacation spot. $475 is a SMALL price to pay in eternity when you understand that you’re not just sending it off to some face with some name, you’re charging a man or woman of God to go and start a church. YOU ARE FUNDING THE ENDTIME REVIVAL.

Go to melanishock.com, click on the Missions Opportunities tab, and scroll down for the payment links if you are interested. No sacrifice is too small or goes unnoticed by our Creator. If you simply cannot donate anything, I understand. But I beg you to partner with me in prayer for these students. They are changing the world every day.

What am I doing over here?

I’m discovering how big God is, and trying to get the name of Jesus to every living soul so we can meet the Lord in the air and get to Heaven already.

That’s what I’m doing over here.

-kshock.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

I have a problem.


It’s a bad day, and I have a problem.

Yes, the bathroom works.

Yes, the water runs.

Yes I have air conditioning…in only one room of the house, but still. I have air conditioning.

Yes I have Internet. It’s more moody than a junior high female alone on Valentine’s Day, but it works sometimes.

None of these things are the problem.

The problem is that I don’t want to leave Manila. I’d like to see my family at Christmas and work like a slave for Because of the Times…but other than that…I don’t want to leave Manila.

I have another problem. I fear for the first person that asks me in December, “I bet you’re so glad to be back home huh?” Why is this a problem? Because Alexandria is not home anymore. Home is where the heart is, and my heart has been eternally split in half.

I have another problem, and that is, how am I going to keep composure and patience and rationale and class when some of the people I am closest to complain about drama that won’t last in 30 years or 30 days?

How am I going to be able to keep composure and compassion for these people when the only faces running through my mind will be my students that don’t know if their sponsors are going to come through for their tuition and money to eat with?

How am I going to keep my composure in a worship service when people are casually worshipping, restricted by who’s who and what they have on when I’ve watched Filipino’s with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING kneel in the floor for hours until you could see their reflection off of the puddle that formed below them with their tears. I’m not exaggerating one bit.

How did I keep my composure when I returned to America in 2009? I didn’t. I didn’t at all. And it was bad.

My friendships suffered. My relationships suffered. I was on another wavelength and refused to meet anyone in the middle. I hated America’s selfishness, I hated the American ways- I hated everything about it.

Jerry Dean made a profound (to me at least) statement at Camp meeting 2009. He said he was flying home from Manila and prayed “God, please do not let me blame the congregation for what they have not seen and experienced.”

I adopted that prayer pretty quickly.

Without America, the end time revival could not be funded. Simple as that. Hating America was and is not the answer.

Hating people for their “half-hearted” worship based on my opinion was judgmental. It was wrong on my part.

I have no idea what I’m trying to say.

I guess I’m trying to convey how conflicted I am at this point in time. I thought I was over this- I thought I had a great handle on it because I wanted to be here so badly for years. I realized here that I don’t- it will probably be a battle that I will need the ones closest to me to help with. The battle of your heart being ripped in half wanting to be two places at once.

I skim over this blog and apologize for the selfishness and striking honesty that might be confusing to some. There might be some of you that feel the same way- with children and grandchildren living hours/cities/states/or continents away from you- maybe some of you have parents far away- and your heart is ripped in half as well. For whatever reason you have been placed so far away from where “your heart is,” I pray today that God gives you peace that passes all understanding. I truly do. From the bottom of my heart.

I have a problem.

Yes, it will be nice when the Internet is solid and I can update my phone. Yes, it will be nice to drive again and get out and GO whenever I need/want to. That will be oh so nice. It will be nice to dive into some gumbo and chicken and a fountain Dr. Pepper…

But where am I going to find lumpia in the states? What am I going to do when my smile is returned with bitterness at Kroger? Where am I going to find street kids to play with and give extra pesos to? How am I going to refrain from back-handing spoiled rotten kids at camp complaining about the heat and yelling “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HEAT IS LIKE UNTIL YOU CAN’T DECIPHER IF WHAT IS ROLLING DOWN YOUR NECK IS SWEAT OR TEARS, YOUNGIN!”

Ok, I’d never yell at a kid and say that. But I hope some of you laughed at that visual.

Where am I going to find cute handkerchiefs and pandesal and pomello and skyflakes? Will I even need a handkerchief in air-conditioned church and padded seats? What is cold weather EVEN GOING TO FEEL LIKE when I feel it again?

These may not be problems to you, but these are PROBLEMS to me.

What am I going to do when a typhoon or strong floods slam Manila and I’m 10,000 miles away from my students and kids? How will I protect them? How will I sleep knowing that they are stranded on their roof and their precious items they have treasured for so long are probably ruined? How will I help them when they have a fever because of the mosquitoes that the storms bring?

What about Mark? And Eliaza and Eliel and Ruel and Japhet and Lexi from the Coffeebean House and Jing and Jose and little Mark and Reecie and Glenda and RJ from Kenny Roger’s Restaurant...you may not know these people but I know them. What about them? I can’t just leave them!

It’s a problem.

What about Dexter the street kid that I met today and gave 5 pesos to? What about him? Who is going to smile at him and take his hand and hug him tight and say “Mahal Kita (I love you)…”

The tables have turned. I thought I could come over here with an understanding of “just 5 months.” A lot of people made the comment on my way out of America, “Kendra this will be so good for you to get out of your system.”

The self-control I exercised in those moments- the half cannot even be told.

I can’t get it “out of my system.” I can’t just return home and resume life thinking “oh that was such a great time, hope I get to go back one day.”

Nope. I’m ruined. I told you, people, I have a problem.

I have a big problem.

I hope none of this has offended anyone. Forgive the raw honesty if it did offend, please. It was not my intention at all.

The purpose was only to inform you, that….

….I have a problem.